Happy World Tuberculosis Day!

Ok people, I just have to get this off my chest. (But first let me say that I originally typed that sentence to read “Ok, I just have to get this off my chest people.” and “chest people” just looked like a fucked up colloquialism for my boobs, which I do refer to as the girls but would never refer to as people. Go figure. Anyway that sentence clearly had to be restructured. And now that it has been, I return you to my regularly scheduled rant.)

There’s a billboard in one of the train stations downtown that’s been bugging me every day for a month. It depicts a woman pondering whether she has Multiple Sclerosis, ALS, Parkinson’s, Breast Cancer, Clinical Depression, etc. Apparently one of the local hospitals is doing a clinical trial for hypochondriacs and they are recruiting volunteers. Well hell, if I wasn’t a hypochondriac before I read that sign 30 times, I sure as shootin’ am now! By the way, I usually see this sign right after I duck past the ad on the train that tries to convince me that tonight could be the night I am eaten alive by deadly bedbugs.

This morning, I hopped online to Google "bed bugs" but, before I could enter my search criteria, I noticed a statement underneath the empty search box. It read: “Tuberculosis is a global threat. Get tested and treated.” The second sentence was a hyperlink that, of course, I HAD TO CLICK, otherwise curiosity would be killing me softly if I didn’t. So I clicked - and was promptly informed that today is World Tuberculosis Day. Since when, you ask? Yeah, I asked that too. Since 1882 when, according to Google, Dr. McSmartyPants discovered that TB was spread via airborne bacteria - but according to every calendar I’ve owned over the last 37 years, since NEVER. So, fuck you Google. Fuck you and the tuberculosis infected bed bug you rode in on.