Clearing The Cobwebs

Based on the cobwebs forming in the corners of this blog, my peeps are way overdue for an update. So, here you go....

• My office is moving and I am the Grand Pubah of the move, so to speak. Now if I could just find my fez... This has already led to numerous sleepless nights (not looking for the fez but worrying about the logistics of the move. Oh, did I mention that we’re moving across the hall? Yeah. Logistics. They’re a bitch. So much so that I can’t even talk about it right now. So - on to the next item.

• I was making breakfast one morning and cracked open an egg that had TWO YOLKS! Upon exhaustively searching the internet to read up on the superstitions associated with double yolkers, I discovered that I should expect either a windfall, a marriage, a pregnancy (which could make the aforementioned marriage of the shotgun variety) or a death in the family very soon. Strangely, the shotgun wedding is the only option in this list that strikes me as unlikely in the near future - the near future being the next 10 years. (I wonder if they make miniature fezzes for babies…..or fez shaped shotgun covers – kind of like a tea cozy but for firearms….perhaps a fez in lieu of a veil…..)
  
  This is the kind of crazy digression shit that happens when I’m operating on 4 hours of sleep. Moving on…..
  

• I looked in on my buddy’s cat while she was out of town last week. I know, I know – flamingos and calicos are sworn enemies you say. You know for years we’ve been hearing these lies and I bet you they were probably fabricated by the same bastards that brought us Olestra and Cheez Whiz. At any rate, it turns out that the sworn enemy theory is indeed just a vicious lie. Sweet kitty let me pet her for almost a whole 30 seconds before she disappeared in a puff of molting fur. Maybe my beak was a little too poke-y for her taste…
  
  Ok. Consider yourself up to speed on the scintillating happenings we're experiencing over here. Now go play in traffic somewhere else.